"The Narrative of A Neutral Zone Fanatic" by Illyana Balde

The Narrative of A Neutral Zone Fanatic
by Illyana Balde

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"I was still in eighth grade when I first heard word of The Neutral Zone, some friends and I were walking past the B-Side and the building still hadn’t been painted, nor did it have The B-Side neon sign. It looked like an old office building, so I walked past it without a care for what was going on inside. My mother had been pushing me to go check it out, but I would blow her off and tell myself that I was 'too cool' for a bland place like The Neutral Zone. It wasn’t until my brother dragged me to a B-Side concert that I finally made my first step to the rest of my life.
By that time it was the summer between eighth grade and my freshmen year in highschool. Most of the people there were my older brother’s age, so I felt a little left out and didn’t know what to do. Everyone was so welcoming, but I was too shy to even introduce myself, so my brother did for me. The only conversation I had with anyone was when I donated some money to Creal for the band. The rest of the show was a blur, but I vividly remember leaving with a smile on my face, as my mom drove my naive, younger self home.
A few weeks later my friend Evan invited me to go to a Riot Youth meeting with him. Earlier that year I had come out as queer and so it was super cool and new to me to join an LGBTQA+ group. I wanted to see what it would be like and join in on the know about The Neutral Zone. I had never been upstairs of The NZ, so it was very exciting and scary at the same time. The upstairs seemed so different from the B-Side. It was more like an office space than a venue. But it was nice. The giant bean bags, or 'foofs', would become the best seats in the entire Neutral Zone. This was all four years ago, and I’ve been there ever since.
My younger self had no idea of what was ahead of me all because of The Neutral Zone. I continued to be in Riot Youth. Most of the time I kept to myself and stayed out of the conversation; until one day. The day of new facilitator elections for the next school year. Something deep inside me lead me to put myself on the ballot. It was like a fire being ignited in my soul, and I was so ready for it. That next year I became a facilitator, and boy was it tough. I had no experience before that point and was unaware of everything that went into leading the group. But as the year went on things came to me like I had done it my entire life. I had also joined the B-Side concert promotion team, and was loving the vibe of the group. Everyone was so chill, and seemed really glad to have me on their team. Joining the Visual Arts Council (VAC)  soon followed and I got to learn about other mediums of art besides drawing anime and cartoons.
By sophomore year most of my friends had graduated and left their mark on the Neutral Zone. Part of me wish they hadn’t yet. I began to feel very alone in the space and didn’t have many people to talk to. Another fire began to burn, and it led me to talk to people I had never talked to before. And with that new flame I burned down another part of my shell. I began to lead more and get out of my comfort zone. Sure, things still weren’t easy for me; but life overall became easier. I became less afraid of leading Riot Youth, I put together my first show for the B-Side, and had an art installation at Live On Washington.
Junior year, I started my first year as a member of the board of directors for The Neutral Zone, and leadership took a whole new meaning. There was still so much I didn’t know about the Neutral Zone, it hit me like a tidal wave that nearly drown me in responsibilities. Luckily I wasn’t alone. I had so many new adult role models in my life to help guide me through everything. I got to learn about donors and how to get them to help support the Neutral Zone. I also learned about the importance of having teens on the board of a place made for teens. It made me feel so powerful and important to the entire place, and gave my life new meaning. With that new space I earned an internship under John Weiss as part of the Youth Driven Spaces initiative. I got first hand experience of what it’s like to help train others to create a space like Neutral Zone’s, where teens and adults work together to build a better community. I now know what it takes to make a survey, along with having the knowledge of how to ask a question, and how to be an active listener.
I just finished up my senior year. I’m now currently one of the lead facilitators of Riot Youth, a co-lead facilitator of The B-Side, I am still the YDS Intern for John alongside being a SCORE intern. Plus I’m still a member of the board of directors. So, whenever someone asks, 'What do you do at The Neutral Zone?' I give one of the longest answers I’ve ever had to give. It is also one of the greatest answers I have the privilege of giving. I’ve seen myself come such a long way from four years ago. Before coming to The Neutral Zone I was such a shy kid with not many friends or opportunities for the future. I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without the Neutral Zone.
Because of the Neutral Zone I have been able to become a leader, and a role model not only for others, but for myself as well. I will always have the memories of The Neutral Zone with me for the rest of my life. My first to my last Creal concert; the time I went to New York for the first time for a music conference; all four Queer Prom events I went to throughout high school; all the bside concerts I’ve worked, along with every meeting I’ve gone to for the past four years;  Riot Youth’s trips to Lansing; when Amy gave me one of her nice pens with my name on it; when I cried over the power coming back on in time for queer prom to happen; learning how to screen print fabric; when “The Boogie Woogie Embassador showed up to the YOR pancake breakfast; dancing in the rain at Live On Washington; having my art in the Potential Art Show; becoming master of the button maker; helping out at Lucky’s Market when they donated to The Neutral Zone; all the donor events I helped at the get money for The Neutral to stay up and running. I could go on forever about all the memories I have from the Neutral Zone. It’s been the best part of my life and I can’t believe it’s only been four years.
There is really only one word I need yo used to describe what The Neutral Zone means to me. Life. The Neutral Zone has given me a life worth living. They’ve given me so much and I want to thank all the people who helped me get to where I am today. Jonah Thompson, Kelsey Cavanagh-Strong, Sharonda Simmons, Jesse Kerstetter, Amy Milligan, John Weiss, Lori Roddy, Jamall Bufford, Mary Thiefels, Joanna Ransdell, Cassandra Van Dam, Alex Kim, and everyone else who helps keep The Neutral Zone up and running. Thank you so much for giving me my amazing life. I am forever grateful."
                                                                                                                                                                                            -Illyana Balde